Boot Krewe Media’s 100% accurate, completely serious 2021 mock draft

Of all the wonderful achievements in the video game industry, perhaps one of the greatest was EA Sports’ implementation of the feature to import draft classes from the NCAA Football series into Madden franchises.

Of all the games I’ve played, beaten and adored, one of my fondest memories was importing my beloved LSU players into Madden and drafting them with the Saints.  Or, outsmarting the other AI teams to trade into high draft picks to select other real-life college stars like Jonathan Vilma, Karlos Dansby and Derrick Johnson.  Clearly, I was better at drafting linebackers than the Saints were in real life.

Playing the part of general manager, coach and owner was awesome.

Even though this fun facet of football gaming has been all but dead since 2013 thanks to the NCAA’s legal issues, we now have a bevy of complex draft simulators on web sites like Pro Football Focus, something middle school me did not have back in 2003.  It’s not quite the same, but it’ll do for now.

It was this tool that I used to help complete Boot Krewe Media’s completely serious, 100% accurate, totally not a joke 2021 first round mock draft.  Here’s what happened:

  1. Jacksonville Jaguars – Trevor Lawrence, QB, Clemson.  We all know this is coming.
  2. New York Jets – Zach Wilson, QB, BYU
  3. San Francisco 49ers – Justin Fields, QB, Ohio State
  4. Atlanta Falcons – Former Saints exec and current Falcons GM Terry Fontenot attempts to pick Florida tight end Kyle Pitts in the hopes that he will become a Saints-killer for the next decade.  However, in true Falcons fashion, the WiFi at the team facility goes down and the team doesn’t get the pick to the league in time.  Chaos ensues as Atlanta’s time runs out.
  5. Cincinnati Bengals – Patrick Surtain II, CB, Alabama.  With Oregon tackle Penei Sewell and LSU WR Ja’Marr Chase still on the board, the Bengals decide that the best way to help Joe Burrow is by taking…a cornerback.  Somewhere, in the deep recesses of the Saintsreport Saints Super Forum, someone posts a rumor that Burrow is unhappy and wants to force his way to New Orleans.
  6. Miami Dolphins – Penei Sewell, OT, Oregon
  7. Detroit Lions – Ja’Marr Chase, WR, LSU
  8. Carolina Panthers – Trey Lance, QB, North Dakota State.  The thought of Carolina fielding a good quarterback in Joe Brady’s offense is the stuff of Saints’ fans nightmares, but luckily, that’s a few years away.  Cam Jordan sips a cocktail and laughs maniacally while stroking his mustache at the thought of facing either a rookie QB or Sam “Seein’ Ghosts” Darnold in 2021.
  9. Denver Broncos – Jaylen Waddle, WR, Alabama
  10. Dallas Cowboys – Kyle Pitts, TE, Florida.  Saints fans breathe a sigh of relief knowing that Pitts will ultimately be squandered by Mike McCarthy, but probably still be good for fantasy.
  11. New York Giants – Christian Barmore, DL, Alabama
  12. Philadelphia Eagles – DeVonta Smith, WR, Alabama
  13. Los Angeles Chargers – Micah Parsons, LB, Penn State
  14. Minnesota Vikings – Kwity Paye, EDGE, Michigan
  15. New England Patriots – Christian Darrisaw, OT, Virginia Tech.  Falcons update:  Still no WiFi, still no first round pick.
  16. Arizona Cardinals – Jaycee Horn, CB, South Carolina.  It will eventually be reported that the Saints tried desperately to trade up and select Horn, but failed.  Jaycee, Joe Horn’s son, never gets to whip out his father’s flip phone from under the couch to take Sean Payton’s call.
  17. Las Vegas Raiders – Caleb Farley, CB, Virginia Tech
  18. Miami Dolphins – Jayson Oweh, EDGE, Penn State
  19. Washington Football Team – Alijah Vera-Tucker, OT, USC
  20. Chicago Bears – Rashod Bateman, WR, Minnesota
  21. Indianapolis Colts – Mac Jones, QB, Alabama.  Falcons update:  Owner Arthur Blank openly weeps on national television as Terry Fontenot screams into the ESPN live feed that they picked Pitts at no. 4.  NFL Commish Roger Goodell refuses to intervene. Instead, when asked to comment about the fiasco, he simply makes fart noises with his mouth.
  22. Tennessee Titans – Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah, LB, Notre Dame.  Saints Twitter implodes and Saints Happy Hour podcast host Ralph Marlbrough pours a glass of whiskey knowing that he’ll never have to say this name again.
  23. New York Jets – Asante Samuel Jr., CB, Florida State
  24. Pittsburgh Steelers – Rashawn Slater, OT, Northwestern
  25. Jacksonville Jaguars – Samuel Cosmi, OT, Texas
  26. Cleveland Browns – Elijah Moore, WR, Ole Miss
  27. Baltimore Ravens – Azeez Ojulari, EDGE, Georgia
  28. New Orleans Saints – Greg Newsome II, CB Northwestern.  Miraculously, the player that Saints Twitter has fallen in love with is available at 28.  Newsome becomes the obvious slam dunk pick, filling the biggest hole on the roster.  The Who Dat Nation celebrates as the Saints get a gift, and the Falcons still have not been able to make a selection.
  29. Green Bay Packers – Alex Leatherwood, OT, Alabama
  30. Buffalo Bills – Gregory Rousseau, EDGE, Miami
  31. **TRADE ALERT** New Orleans Saints (from Baltimore, via KC) – Terrace Marshall Jr., WR, LSU.  Turns out the Saints were secretly in love with the LSU star, believing him to be on par with his former teammates, Ja’Marr Chase and Justin Jefferson.  Payton and Loomis go for broke to acquire a player that can blow the top off defenses and take attention away from Michael Thomas.  To move back into the first round, the Saints give up their 2021 2nd (60th overall), 2022 2nd and 2022 3rd.  The Saints brass decides that all of their compensatory third rounders are expendable.
  32. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Trevon Moehrig, S, TCU.  As Tampa drafts a fresh victim for Jameis Winston (c’mon, we all know it’s gonna be Jameis), the Falcons become the first team in NFL history to inadvertently squander their first-round pick.  To the delight of Saints fans across the country, Arthur Blank fires everyone in a fit of rage and inexplicably re-hires Dan Quinn.  The Saints immediately bring Fontenot back into the fold.

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